There has been some discussion in Australia over the last few years about immigration and assimilation. One of the suggestions apart from compulsory English language tests (on a serious note.... what a joke I'll vote for it when it's compulsory country wide for everyone including existing Australians)
On a much lighter note a number of potential questionnaires have been circulating for approval.
I think that the test below comprises of the appropriate mix of lifestyle, mateship and important Australian knowledge to assimilate nicely. Any thoughts?
P.S. For any Americans reading this you might need to grab a translator to assist you :)
Immigration and Citizenship Test
1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the
origin of, the term 'died in the @rse'?
2. What is a “bloody little beauty”?
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a
4. Explain the following passage: 'In the arvo last Chrissy the relos
rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of
a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the
chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum
did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo.'
5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana.
If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey,
Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average
consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
6. Complete the following sentences:
a) 'If the van's rockin' don't bother ?
b) You're going home in the back of a ?
c) Fair crack of the ?
7. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss
8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard
'up on blocks'? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called
10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat,
cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called
either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and
sounds like a bloke?
14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a
chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that
has been flogged from a bath full of ice?
15. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other
people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter 'b' is
required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs,
an Esky or Ugg boots?
18. Is it possible to 'prang a car' while doing 'circle work'?
19. Who would you like to crack on to?
20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson, John 'True
Blue' Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a
trailer or have a pool?
22. What does “sinkin p*ss at a mates joint” and “getten para” mean?